i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
