did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We need to get me chipped asap
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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