he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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