she woke up with a sticky ear
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
