i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
