there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
