Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
