How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
