Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
