I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
