I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
