Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
