I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
