just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize