Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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