My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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