According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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