My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sext me about skeletons
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
