Say something about gay babies.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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