Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
