So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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