You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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