Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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