I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
