i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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