what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
