I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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