I hate your face
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
