I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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