I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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