I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
