well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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