I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
