so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
