professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
