one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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