so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
