pedialite and red bull = repair kit
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm passing your future prison.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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