the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
