You can't motorboat a personality
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
