Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
