Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
