You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
