im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i think im in europe. pls send help
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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