I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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