The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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