just come out here and I will go home with you...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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