Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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