is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize