We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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