I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I believe in your delicious
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