I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
