dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
