you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
