I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
