I faked an abortion last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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