South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
two words: eviction party
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
