I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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