i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize