uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
