So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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