Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
