He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
