I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize