Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
