I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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