butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
