I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
