He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
